एकाकी Life

Struggle was all around me, i got numbers of failure. I was trying too much and in result of that i got some good job. I was desperate for someone, when we show desperation for someone, we become crazy for him/her. I was away from my family, i got job and now priority has been changed, i was dreaming all time about that someone, a girl. I wanted to tell her my feelings, for that i have to come in picture. I started with her friends, she was very social and active girl. just after initiation i got a chance to be with her. I was with her for more than a week, as she was going for a tour with her colleagues and i also joined her. There i got few chances to show my emotions, but first i wanted to know her emotions regarding all these, as i was aware that she don't love me , but i was curious to know that did she love someone. There was few chit-chats and i concluded that she is not engaged with anyone. Now i start feeling her and copying her movements. i copied her favorite list to my favorite list. Now after few attempts, i get noticed by her as one day she told me that i am good in many workouts. i found my way. i keep doing according to her taste. Two years we were together and but still i haven't proposed her neither she, but we both became good friends. Few of our friends commented on us so one day i decided to propose her. We both were walking on road in evening and there i told her everything. She politely replied that she is already engaged, she never told here anyone because she and her fiance are together since their childhood, they are neighbors and their families have accepted their relationship and she will get married after his fiance return from US. She also told me not to tell this anyone. We agreed to continue our friendship same as before. but since after that when i came in front of her i feel like looser, like guilty and many other. We both reduced our outing together, i just want to keep away myself from her. I told about her fiance to my friends and that leaked to whole office. She get angered with me. i left the job and searched some other job. i was feeling alone and that leads me to some serious health issues. Any how i transferred my message to her, that i am sick hoping she might come to meet me, i was still hopeful that she might come to my life. I suffered heavy money crises due to Medical expenses. After being fit again that i joined my job and till then i came to know that i have to give some time before taking any decision. After that now three years have been passed. She got married and now shifted to US. I have desperately waited for her till now and will continue till my life. May be she came back, but now i understood the feelings that instead of being alone i should prefer  एकाकी life. And i am on my way since last one year i am fine now, but still looking for some doomsday or similar like that.